Decisions :/

    Today I decided that I need to start taking more pictures. Try different angles, different times, different lights, try to think of unique poses and ideas. Or at least start doing something creative. Tonight and tomorrow and Friday I am planning to work on some pictures for my locker. I finally got them picked out a few days ago and I have gotten three done and another one started. I actually quite enjoy the one I have just started! It is a picture of my brother and I when we were younger. We are just sitting on the couch. I think it is adorable!!! I doubt my brother will like it being up in my locker but who cares what he thinks haha I enjoy scrap booking when I am in the mood :) Otherwise it just sucks. Just like baking! My dad likes to make me make him cookies. Pretty much every week cause he eats them really really REALLY fast!! And if I just randomly feel like making cookies then it is all good but if he tells me I just don`t want to do it and I don`t find it fun at all or relaxing. I am starting to not really enjoy baking all that much cause it takes all this time and it always disappears really fast in my house so it just seems kind of pointless to me. Actually, oddly enough I feel kind of like baking right now...Hmmmm maybe I should cause my dad will want some cookies soon and I bet I won`t feel like making them for him. I think I will make some tomorrow. :) He will be happy about that :)

    My second semester of my LAST year of high school starts on Tuesday! Yikes!! I feel like time has just zoomed by me. I can not believe that I am graduating high school in June! I feel to young to be already there. Yet at the same time college cannot come fast enough! It`s kind of weird. I want to stay in high school for longer but yet I also really want to go try out college. I want a new experience. I want the whole college experience!!! :) My one friend starts college next week! I am so excited for her! :) She is extremely pumped! :) I will miss her at school though :( And another one of my friends is also done this semester!! :( Everyone is leaving me! I could have been done if I had really wanted to but I have nothing to do for the next few months so I figured school would be better than nothing. I really don`t mind school all that much I just am having a little bit of an issue trying to find some friends that are during my lunch hour. And if I do find friends they usually have other friends that I don`t know or ones that I don`t really want to hang out with. I am going to try to find some new friends this semester! I think one of my friends has one lunch the same as me but I am not 100% positive. I plan to use the weight room to my advantage this coming semester. I have used it a few times already this year but I want to get into a habit of going everyday! I really want a bikini body for the house boat this year! :) I have been doing boot camp and using the weight room some but that is not really all that much. I need to really watch what I eat but I seem to be having some huge issues with that!!!! I don`t really know why either! I guess it is cause I really like food haha and I really like unhealthy food apparently haha

TTYL

ASHLEY

Nothing Lasts Forever

     Today was a good day. It had its bad moments but it was a generally good day until now. It's still a good day but it is veiled with sadness. I have been thinking about my friend Kyle for a bit and I re-realized that I really miss him and that I didn't know what he all was. To me he was a brother because we had known each other since birth pretty much but other than the length of time we have spent together I really did not know him all that much. I knew his general personality but other than that I really did not know him. That single fact saddens me greatly. All the amazing things I have heard about him since his death have made me realize that I missed out on getting to know an amazing person. I wished I had talked to him more. Gotten to know him on a deeper level. I know it's my fault that we were not close. I tended to push him away. I regret that now. It pains me to think about all the times I missed out because of it. Not even just dealing with Kyle. I tend to push people away. I don't know why I do it but it happens. I used to be so happy and friendly and just plain old fun, but now I almost feel like I give off a superior vibe, like I think I am better than everyone else. Which I know I am not. No one is perfect and I am defiantly not perfect in any means. I think I might be looking to the future to much. I need to enjoy the now. Get to know the amazing people around me. Trust people until proven wrong, give the benefit of the doubt. Love until hurt. Nothing lasts forever. Not happiness not sadness. Nothing. I need to open up and be more accepting and less judgmental. That is going to my task for the next month. I am going to try to make some new friends, be true to my old friends, pay more attention to them, less selfish and just happier plus less judgmental. To me that sounds like a lot to work on but I am sure with determination I can do it! Plus I have friends that will be by my side :) Without my friends and family I don't know where I would be. Probably not here to tell you the honest truth. They have helped me so much plus I really do hate to be lonely. I love each and every one of you :) I know I probably don't say it enough to some of you but it is true! No matter how much I may or may not talk to you, you are still important to me and my life. You each have shaped me in unique ways. I would not be the person I am today without you.

I got the chance to hang out and really talk to, two people I usually don't today. I really enjoyed both conversations. Although they were both just random and we really didn't discuss anything all that important, I still loved each one. It's the random moments of friendship that I love the most. If you always have deep discussions then there is no fun in the relationship, which is not fun but sometimes those friends are one of the deepest connections you may have to a friend. I really do love having a friend that no matter the topic, we can just talk and talk and talk. To be completely honest and open is a scary thing but wonderful if you let it. I have always believed in being open. It is just the way I am. I don't hide my emotions very well and I never have. What is the point in that? If they are your friend or family member they should want your honesty over you being fake and pretending nothing is wrong. Yes the truth hurts sometimes but lies hurt worse. They always end up with the truth anyways and that truth hurts more than if you just told them in the first place. At least you cared enough about them to tell them straight up instead of cowering because you think they will hate you. If they are truly your friend they may be hurt but they should forgive you in the end. Everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect. You don't expect them to be perfect do you? If you do be prepared to be let down because life isn't about perfectness. It is about enjoying even the dark moments. It's about learning to dance in the rain.

I really think people should every once in a while stop and take inventory over their thoughts and actions. We should all take the time to realize how we act and who we trust are important and to make sure we learn from our mistakes. There is a point where you stop to think to often though. You have to live in the moment but don't forget the things the past taught you. Life is pretty complicated yet so simple. You arrive, you live, you die. That's life. Pretty simple when it is put like that, but being in the middle of it you don't see it that way. Well at least I usually don't see it like that. I kind of just realized that right now. Huh, I learn something new everyday.

I wish that I could live more in the moment. That is one thing I should work on. I should love deeply, laugh often and enjoy the little time I have. I am getting better at making myself not be a grouch. It is hard sometimes though. I just want to be a grouch and thats it. But others I just think about all the amazing things about my life and I realize I really don't have it all that bad. There are people that are worse off than me and yet they aren't complaining or moping around so why should I? What gives me the right to complain when I have great friends, a good house, a great family, I get to go to school, and I have an amazing support system? Yes we all need to be grouchy and moody sometimes but too much and you stop living in the moment. You think about past mistakes and even predict future fails. You have to have faith and confidence in yourself. If you don't have confidence in your abilities why should someone else? If you can't believe that you can do anything you set your mind to why should anyone else? You have to believe. Not all the time, because that's what friends and family and loved ones are for, but most of the time.

I know a few girls that wonder why guys don't talk to them or whatever. I tell them you just have to be yourself and be confident. You are amazing the way you are and if they don't notice that then not only are the blind but it's their lose, not yours. You need an amazing guy who wants to buy you flowers and hold open the door for you. One that will just sit and watch the sunset with you. One where you could sit in perfect silence and yet feel comfortable and connected. Yes, it may be hard to find Mr.Right but he will come along when you are ready for him. You have your whole life ahead of you, why do you want to settle down so early? You can go to college, get an amazing job, travel or do what ever you want. Mr.Right will come along most likely when you least expect it.

Sometimes I am amazed at my advice to other people. I really don't know where most of this stuff comes from. I should follow my own advice sometimes. :)

In conclusion, today has been an eye opener in many different ways. :)

ASHLEY

Some of my Photography

One of our traditional must go on the tree Christmas decorations :)

I just thought that this angle looked neat and different. I am all for trying to get different views on normal objects.

This was taken in my back yard. One of the amazing things about living in the country is the sunsets and sunrises. It has been tweaked a bit. The colors were not that bright but I thought that it looked better this way. 

Since I was stage manager not long ago that meant that I was at a theater for hours on end. In the change rooms there were the traditional lights. I had never really seen them before and I wanted to capture them. I only got one shot because whenever I was actually there I was either busy or people were in the way. 

I have seen this kind of photo lots before and had always wondered how the heck they got that amazing shot. One day I was bored and decided to start taking pictures. I started fooling around with different lighting and I discovered that in the dark my camera's shutter stays open longer. Thus meaning that it will show the movement of the light as seen above. :)

As I mentioned before I do enjoy taking pictures of things at odd angles. This is another outcome of that addiction. hehe The photo is of one half of my wonderful mother's amazing Christmas village decorations. 

This is my dad's puppy Pudge. We took a walk one day and this is what I got out of it. :)

Another cool looking Christmas tree decorations! :) I just thought it looked different and I like the lighting of it.

This photo and the one below were taken that same day I discovered the thing about the shutter being open longer. I saw our living room lights and got the idea to take some pictures of them with all the other lights off. I personally love the way they turned out! I wish I had creative moments like that all the time!! :)

Both of these have been edited by yours truly :) So they are not the original but I think they look cool enough anyways :)

So I would love it if you would comment and tell me which ones you like the best and which ones you don't like and why. That will help me in the future :) Thanks for your time :)

ASHLEY

Boom Boom Pow haha :)

    So, right now I am in a creative mood but I can't keep my mind still long enough to pick one thing to do!!!! arrgghhhh haha I want to make something but I have so many ideas running around in my head it is hard to pick and choose...then there is the problem if I do end up making something, who will I give it to?? Cause I don't just make things for myself or no one haha I like to give things away :) Make people smile and make sure they know they are awesome and loved :) Now I really don't feel like making something haha I am very energetic at the moment :) Teasing people about dodgeball tomorrow and their choices of movies haha In the last two days I have had some surprisingly deep conversations with some people I don't normally do! It has been really nice!!! Both are guys that I don't talk to very much but are friends with still. And both were in the middle of funny conversations...plus both felt very normal and not at all pressured. I really enjoyed them both!!! I never actually thought about talking anything close to seriously with the one before last night....I guess we both matured or something recently....he did just get dumped so that may have changed him a bit...hmmmm...and the other I have had somewhat serious conversations with before but not since the beginning of the year...I like it!!! I like friends that I can joke with but also have a serious conversation with. I need more of those haha I do have a few but mostly they are girls which isn't as much fun :/  But I have to go talk to you all later

ASHLEY

Quotes and my day haha

"It's hard to wait for something you know might never happen, but it's even harder to give up when you think it's everything you want."     - Bumper Stickers

"Every story has an end, but in life every end is just a new beginning"   - Bumper Stickers

"Anyone who says sunshine is the only happiness has not danced in the rain"   - Bumper Stickers

Those are just some quotes that I found today and actually like :) :) Some bumper stickers are really funny :) I enjoy reading them :) Today has been interesting to say the least! I had a beep test this morning in PE class. For those out there that don't know what a beep test is I will explain. You have to run a certain distance before the beep sound goes. It gets shorter and shorter every time. And it is very tiring and I hate it! At the beginning of the school year we did one and I got to 4.5 and this time I lasted to 5.5 which I think is my longest time yet!!! :) Which makes me really happy actually :) I stupid guy made fun of me though haha Before we started our PE teacher read out all of our last times and since I am last on our class list everyone paid attention to mine haha This guy was like "What were you lazy or hurt last time Ashley?" and I of course had quit cause I was tired so I didn't say anything at first then said "Lazy I guess..." haha it was kind of embarrassing!! But I am over it....oh yeah and after we all headed up to the weight room to finish off class the same guy came up to me and was like "Here I thought you were good at all sports but I guess not the beep test." I didn't know what to say haha I just explained that the beep test was not a sport haha so he gave me two insults and one compliment haha...not sure how to take that haha. I was glad when PE finished though :) Math BOMBED!!!! I failed my quiz for sure since I only actually worked out 6 of 23 points. :( I really dislike math!!!! I used to be good at it but I am not anymore :( it has gotten to hard for me I guess. Oh well I only have two more weeks of it!!! Though my teacher is now in Vancouver because she is having problems with her baby :( I hope they are both okay!!!! I am excited to be going home tonight :) I have stayed at two different house the last two nights! The first night was amazing :) :) the second not so much! But I have to go I will talk to you guys later :)

ASHLEY

Okay honestly I love my family and friends I have here and all but I really cannot wait to go to college!!! Who knows maybe when I get there I won't want to be there and I will wish I was back here but I highly extremely doubt that! I have spent my whole entire life surrounded by pretty much the exact same people! and I am officially tired of it! I want new people and a new experience! I want to live somewhere it does not take me an hour to reach my friends and actually have fun. I don't want to have to ride the bus for three hours a day with lets see 50 people I don't like and maybe 3 I do! Maybe I just need to learn to be more friendly or be more blind to all the immature acts. Maybe I should become immature and I could enjoy my last year at high school. It would make the bus ride more fun that's for sure. I just can't stand the immature things they say and that they do....really what is so funny about throwing erasers out the bus window at someone walking by?? What is so funny about bugging and tormenting a person that doesn't have that many friends?? Does it make you feel better about your pathetic life??  I know college is not going to be magically all mature people but I know there should be more mature people there since they actually have to pay a lot of money to be there! But I better go... ttyl

ASHLEY

Vegas Baby ;)

Moments in Life Remembered Forever :)

    Tonight is going to an amazing night because one of my best friends is totally coming to my house! :) We are going to have some good old teenage girl fun :) Watching scary movies, hott guy movies and probably eating all our food lol. We also have boot camp but that should not be all that bad since it is kind of fun :) We have not had a sleepover in such a long time :) I am really looking forward to it!!! It will be nice to have some girl time :) Talking about cute guys :) and all that other girlie stuff :) I actually somewhat worked out during my lunch break today :) Which is very exciting for me :) I was jogging slash running on the treadmill :) For about 20 minutes haha it was not near long enough but it felt good to actually make the effort to try to exercise!!! :) :) I am hopefully going to start doing for at least half an hour a day! :) I am usually bored during my lunch break anyways so it will work perfectly :) Next semester I want to make it up to an hour :) cause I have two flexes so I have more time to do nothing. One is in the morning and one is at 1 to 2. I am really looking forward to next semester :) I have foods, intro to German, and accounting 12 which will suck but the rest is cool :) I love the teacher that is going to try to teach me German :) Plus my one best friend might be in my class :) Which will be so so amazing :) Foods will be good cause I get to make food :) haha :) :) I am sad that I won't have PE but I will at least get to exercise in the loft :) haha our upstairs weight room at my school :) The college I am going to also has a great work out room :) which will be awesome :) I cannot wait to get there and start :) :) College is gunna rock :) I hope haha So yesterday I got my sister, a friend who is like a sister to me actually but whatever, to do my hair :) She is going to be doing my hair for Grad photos, prom, and grad if I decide to do something for grad. So we decided on a certain style :) Which is awesome :) But I have to go ttyl

ASHLEY

Graduation

          So I graduate in about 6 months :) Yay!!!! I am really excited!!! I cannot wait to be off to college and a totally new experience!!! :) It is very exciting :) :) Although there is a lot of work to be done before I can graduate!!! :( I have pretty much all my grad transitions left to do :( which will be rather easy but stupid at the same time! haha I am on both the Grad committee and the prom committee. They are within a week of each other and its not like graduating doesn't have enough stress as it is I had to add both of those to my load. I think I may be lacking some brain cells haha I still have not found a prom dress yet!!! :( I have found a few that I really like but my mom is having an issue agreeing with me haha. In the end it is my choice but I still value her opinion! Plus she is paying for it haha. I want something that says "Ashley" haha. I guess I am complicated because I have found lots that show parts of me haha I like so many but my price range is rather low haha and I am kind of picky....okay I am really picky haha I want it to fit me wonderfully :) :) We will see I still have 6 months till I have to have one so its all good haha I have time. My grad photos are getting taken on Monday! :) And today I am going to a friends house to try out some different styles and see what looks the best :) I am really excited :) It will be awesome I hope :) But I better go :) TTYL


ASHLEY 

2011 is now :)

          So to start of 2011 on an amazing foot I got to play hockey today and although my team got stomped on I scored a goal and I am proud of the way I played! The final score on the scoreboard was 20 to 10 but I don't think that last goal actually went in! :) So in my mind we only lost by 9 not 10 haha I have two more games today :) One at 2:00 and one at 8:00! :) ! We are probably going to lose them both but this tournament is just for fun! It is actually a memorial tournament for Kyle. Today at 2 we are going to raise his old Clearview Jersey and a few people, me included, are going to say a few words. I am really nervous but I know I need to do this. To prove that I am stronger than I thought. I, as most people, do not like speaking in front of a lot of people. Which is kind of ironic since when I was a bit younger I went and did a speech competition. I did not even place but I am proud of myself anyways. For me speaking in front of people is scary and unnerving. I used to, well still do, dread talking in class at all. I wouldn't even give the answer if I knew it. Unless the teacher asks me of course which, usually only happens when I don't know the answer. But I need to shower and just chill out before my game so talk to you all later :)

           ASHLEY