Goodbye 2010

     So, this is my last official blog for 2010!! :) I am excited for 2011 because a lot of things are happening this year! :) Well, excited and nervous!!! First of all I have the last term of my high school career, Grad photos, prom, graduation, Gradfest :) :) which will be awesomely awesome :), last summer at home I think haha not sure. That one is not set in stone yet haha, college, moving away from my parents, friends and family, this will be my first time moving anywhere! I have lived in the same trailers since I was born....well okay I finally made the switch to the other side a few years back but thats as much as I have moved! Kind of sad but it was nice, just don't tell my parents that haha I am sure I am going to miss my family and friends but this is going to be very good for me. Not only will I gain an education into something that interests me but I also gain new experiences and memories and hopefully friends :) I plan to be friendly and myself :) But i better go cause its almost 12!!! haha HAPPY NEW YEARS!!!!! may 2011 be the start of something new!!!

Christmas Holiday :)

               Let me start off by saying Merry Christmas and a happy new year to everyone :) <3 I am very pleased that we all have made it another year :) although some good ones have moved on to another place. We shall remember them in our hearts and minds till the day we die. "You won't have me long cause Only the good die young" is what a young man that passed away recently said to his parents a few months before he got into a tragic car crash deceasing himself and an older lady. Both known, loved and now missed greatly by so many people. I don't know how he predicted this but in a small manner he had. I wish greatly that he had been wrong and that he would not have passed on. Being left behind when people move on is really a test of your soul, of your personality, of your inner strength, of your will to live. It is hard and leaves an everlasting impression on your heart and soul. No one would wish it even on their worst enemy. Well, enough sad and tragic topics.

It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up . that we will begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had.
                                                                   -Elisabeth Kubler-Ross


A man's dying is more the survivors' affair than his own.
                                                                    - Thomas Mann


I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -- myth is more potent than history -- dreams are more powerful than facts -- hope always triumphs over experience -- laughter is the cure for grief -- love is stronger than death.
                                                                    - Robert Fulghum


And now the end is near
And so I face the final curtain,
My friends, I'll say it clear,
I'll state my case of which I'm certain.
I've lived a life that's full, I've travelled each and evr'y highway
And more, much more than this, I did it my way.
                                                                                                  -Paul Anka


     Let's move on to happier thoughts. Just recently I went and visited some family I have that are chosen not born family for Christmas. We traveled down there on Christmas Eve and made our way home on Boxing Day. I very much enjoyed the time I had with them, although I wished it could have been for a extended period of time. For me, people that you chose to be your family are often closer to you than your real family. Not always, but in some cases it's true. We all choose people who fit into our well structured lives where as family is not a choice. We are all born with our families and therefore cannot change that fact for the rest of eternity. Some would love to be able to change it and for others the thought would not even come up. Everyone has a different view and relationship with their siblings, parents, cousins, etc. I had an extremely good relationship with my Grandfather till my Grandmother passed away 6 years ago come April. After that he morned her and then the next year in May got remarried to a new lady with the same name as my Grandmother. At first things were good. Everyone was happy. Then a slight shift and everything was opened and changed. Now 5 years later, I don't get any phone calls from my Grandfather. I only see him about once a year and mostly that was because I needed a place to stay in town for my Badminton. I know that is bad but at least I somewhat made the effort to include him in my life. Don't get my wrong I love my grandfather but it is hard to make the effort to see a person who won't even phone you and wish you a Happy Birthday or a Merry Christmas. We used to have Christmas with them every year now we don't. I miss seeing and talking to him and my real grandmother but I am afraid it may be to late to change that now. Things have been said that cannot be unsaid and things have been done that now cannot be undone. Life really isn't all that forgiving when you want to take something back. We are supposed to take note of what we did and how we can prevent it next time. It's called learning from your mistakes.
 
Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from    
                                                         - Al Franken


Instruction does not prevent wasted time or mistakes; and mistakes themselves are often the best teachers of all.     
                                                 - James Anthony Froude


There are no mistakes, save one: the failure to learn from a mistake.   
                                                                   - Robert Fripp


          I am very excited for the new year to come :) I think that 2011 is going to be the real start of my life. I get to graduate from High School and go to College, which means move out of the house for the first time. I am more excited than I am nervous for College but the nervousness is defiantly still there. I am going to so far from home! But I also know a few people down there now so that makes me feel a little better. I plan to keep writing these to keep you wonderful people in the know ;) I am sure I will have lots to talk about :) The one thing that makes me the most nervous I think is the fact of my roommate. What if I don't like her?? Then I would have to stay stuck in a very small room with her for a whole year! :( But it could turn out that I love my roommate and we could become the best of friends and everything would be awesome. There is no for sure answer or guess to which of the two I will get! I really hope its the last one! 


            But it is now officially 1:37 am. I really should get to sleep because I am going to be looking at scholarships and dorm registration tomorrow :) Night Everyone well it won`t be night when you read this so Good Day :) haha


 ASHLEY

High School :|

So today there was a group of "cool" guys that have a booklet of numbers and were rating girls with them. One said Just Kidding you are a b**** and they even had a zero! How rude! I can see just having a ten in memory of Kyle and what not but a zero?? really?? Why?? I just don't understand the reasoning to it! Why would someone want to upset people?? Girls worry enough about what guys think without having to have it shouted at them in the hallways. Sure its all good if the guys like you but what about those people that just aren't the guy's types?? And who are the guys to judge who is good looking in such a public manner?? Talk about an embarrassment if you aren't their type! I really dislike people like that!!! If they just gave everyone a ten then it would be pointless but it always would be nice!!!! Everyone has enough stress already they don't need anything added to it!!!! Stupid boys who think they are so cool and on top of the world! But anyways haha I am really excited for badminton tonight :) It shall be a really good time :) I invited some guys that I know and that should be fun :) and a couple of my other awesome friends are going to be there :) Wooot!!!! :) I enjoy exercise most of the time :) I also am gunna go for a run tonight too with Megan and Allison :) yay!!!! extra work out!! :) One of these days it will show!! haha maybe lol if I stop eating all the ice cream!!! haha I am looking forward to giving out my Christmas gifts this week :) I already got to see the surprised face of three people :) I enjoy giving gifts!!! :) I would much prefer to give a gift then get a gift! Especially when I make it :) This year I made two really cool candy gifts :) and I am making one of my besties this awesome gift that I can't say what it is because I have not given it to her yet! and my other friends gets this really cool handmade thing :) and yet another friend gets another one :) haha they all take time though! :( haha but I enjoy it most of the time!!! haha But school is ending I will talk to you all later! bies
ASHLEY UTZ

College is coming up very very soon :) Last night I got to talk with two girls that went to the college I am planning to go to and they were telling me all about the dorms and things to bring and avoid :) lol I am so excited to be moving out soon :) only like 9 months till I start college :) lol just under a year!!! :) That gives me enough time to think more about it and get ready to leave home! My mom is not happy that I am going so far away but I really want to go to the college I picked out :) and it is my decision not hers so it really doesn't matter what she thinks at all cause I am going to pay for it all myself :) Without any loans :) yay!!! :) haha its about an 11 hour drive haha but I better go lol talk to you all later :)

The Show Must Go On

So, I was lucky enough to receive the position of Stage Manager in my high school production of Into The Woods! I was also stupid enough to take the job haha So far it has been alright but I mostly just get to sit on this very uncomfortable stool for about 2 and a half hours and call lighting cues. It's really not as fun as I made it sound. You also have to add in the fact that there are always people standing behind you and talking and asking you questions and I can't forget to mention all the people bumping into you. It is kind of cool to be calling the lights but its really not that big of a deal when you really think about it. Although, people seem to like to thank me even though they have no idea what I actually do. I find that humorous.

ASHLEY

Down, Down and Farther Down

Hi everyone,
    Today has been a continuous flow of badness! With the odd happy moment. The bad started when I realized that I did have to get up and actually go to school today! :( I am so tired and worn out and I just want to sleep for 3 days straight!!!! Then we (my friend and I) were kind of late getting out of the house so that made me a little worried since I had stuff I had to do once we got to school! and then we made it to school with time to spare but then I got called down to go work on the program for this year's school play that needed to be done this morning!!! and then I worked on that for most of first class and then I sat and talked with some awesome stage craft people which was a nice change from the way my morning had been going :) and then came PE. We started off with handball with only two teams which sucks! Four corner is way better! and my team was really not that good!!! so that was bad then we switched to soccer which blew more!!! During the switch I was waiting to get a drink when I saw this dodgeball that was covered in writing to Kyle. He passed away recently and was loved by so so many!!! Everyone signed it and said things to him. Reading it was not a smart idea the way my day was going! I got really sad and in the end ended up crying! Talia and Emily came and talked to me and made me laugh a bit! Then came along math! Since I am in theater and I am eating, sleeping, breathing it I did not have time to study for my math test that just happened to be today!!! So there were about 7 questions that I did not even have any clue how to do!!! 3 of the 7 were important worth more then the rest questions!! I will be surprised if I did not fail it!!  I was tired, and upset and I had not studied so that will be a terrible test!!! Oh I forgot to add that when I was upset in PE I had texted this guy who said he would be there for me whenever I needed him that I needed a hug and how much I missed our friend! and I didn't get a reply for some time.. When he finally replied all it said was "sorry I didn't get your text until now. How are you?" and when I said I am dealing meaning to me not well I did not get a text back! I eventually just said never mind just forget that I texted you. The reason why this made me so upset was because he had said he would be there if I ever needed him and when I did need him he wasn't there! All I asked for was a simple hug! It was not like I asked him to go around the world for me! It was a hug! Lunch time was bad because I was sad and my friend was in a really good mood so we kind of clashed! I didn't want to be happy and so I wasn't! I am better now but I am still a bit sad when I think about that text conversation or lack there of! Another friend of mine really helped me out! :) I can always count on him and really don't know what I would do if he wasn't there anymore!!!! He is so nice and always there and just funny and makes me smile :) I am excited to move away to college!!!!! That way I can know who my true friends are!!!! I know that he will be one of them! :) But class is really coming to an end so I should go! :( I will talk to you later! I have to update you all on my theater experience!!! lol

ASHLEY